Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
You get the key, and if you don't, the fiery hells of Orcus will be upon your doorstep before you know it, and the waves of undead that'll lash out upon you are going to end your life.
Oh, calm down, man. He'll forgive you.
Oh, I mean, yeah, here's the key.
Varram knows you already.
He went from 0 to 20.
Do you know, uh, an artificer?
Oh, uh, yes. What is, um, what is his name, Irish guard?
Squeaky MacLemerson.
Just so happens, I need a little job done in order to finish some of my trinkets and knickknacks.
Can you be more specific?
Yep, I can be.
Next time on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master, Ross More. He, him, also with me today is Karla Maxted.
She, her, tonight playing Lipsinki Pipdigons, also she, her.
And Amy More.
Yep, that's me. I will be playing, I just spit all over myself.
I've done this before.
It's been a while.
It has been a little while. I will be playing Thea Amastasia, she, her, and Gael Nighthunter, Ogla Khan, who, uh, she, them.
And Kyle Clasett.
Hi everyone, he, him, I'm going to be playing Vorunax's True Trith, and thanks for still letting me play with y'all.
I'm going to say it every time.
No, you're just part of the game now.
Kyle's been kidnapped and we're forcing him to say that, but he's so good at sounding sincere.
We made him end his own show. We were like, it's us or them, but there's only one right answer here.
It was a dark room, there was a single light, and a car battery, and I don't, you know.
I don't remember what else happened after that.
Something about poodles.
No more podcasts, I don't know.
I feel like that was our other podcast. That was your character on our other podcast.
Yeah, absolutely.
Tom is not here, and that's okay.
Tom isn't here.
We're not going to say it just because this is released in the future, but he's got reasons, and we'll talk about those over on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast, where we have hangouts and tell you all of our personal stuff.
Oh, that's true.
Okay, I was like, where we discuss Tom without him there.
Specifically Tom.
We don't, but we do discuss ourselves when we hang out.
But we do discuss that one picture that Tom took when he shaved his beard off, because that still lives on Patreon.
Yeah, that haunts some people.
Baby face Tom.
Is he nine?
It was crazy.
The beard really does make the man.
I'm sad that you just brought it up again.
That was information that I had previously forgotten about.
It's one of those things where you blink and you can see it.
He's just staring down the barrel of the lens.
So when you are a patron, you get that, but also an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron, ALex Klein.
Thank you so much.
You're amazing.
We appreciate you.
Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast for all the pictures of Tom without a beard.
It's only one, but you get it.
One's enough.
And now fuck it.
Let's play.
You are on the road through the Dead Man's Marsh to the township of News.
N-O-O-S.
Township of News.
It's a beautiful, lovely sunny day.
You hear the crickets chirping off in the brush, the birds zipping overhead.
There's a little bounding otters off by a creek side.
It's just a sweet smell of just freshness and being alive is what the day smells like.
And the three of you, how many of you are there?
Four of you.
Francis is there too.
Five of us.
Knight Hunter, Thea, Francis, Vorunax, Lipsinki, Donnie.
The group of you, minus Flint, who is back in Greenus just admiring the statue of himself,
are on this road to News.
With a list in your hand of things to collect for Squeaky McClemerson, the artificer
who's going to re-attune your ring not to the abyss but to the Avernus in the Nine Hells
so that you can find your way to the River Styx.
The list of things he needs.
Springs.
Sprinkles.
Cogs and bolts.
Raw ore.
Jelly ooze.
Scales of a fish person.
Freely given.
Very important parenthetical.
Blood of an enemy forcefully taken.
He's creating Lord Voldemort.
Okay, so that's not bad.
As you are walking, reviewing this list, the road kind of comes to a forest,
narrows a little bit, bottlenecks a little bit,
and you hear off in the trees just like a light rustle of leaves
that is not normal far as like the wind direction goes
and like sniffles like
Somebody is doing inhAlydints in that bush.
I was going to say someone is doing coke in that bush.
Excuse me, drug addict?
Hey, what?
Six goblins all hop out in front of you all with spears
and large sacks that are empty over their backs
and they have like runny eyes and their nose is like
snot covered like a child, like a three-year-old
who doesn't realize that they need to blow their nose
but it's like running down like a handlebar mustache.
Oh.
Nose a little red around the edges from the wiping or blowing
and they say hand over all your medical supplies.
Medical supplies? We don't want to have those.
Do it and they kind of hop towards you with their spears.
Do you?
Night Hunter wants to grab a spear and whack.
I'm going to say you can freely do that.
She grabs and not like I'm going to knock you out
but very much a power move of like yoink boink.
Actually, hold on. Let's go.
No, she wants a yoink boink.
No, let's go competing strength saving.
Fuck off, you know I can't roll.
This is not right.
I'll roll with disadvantage.
Well, yeah, that's right because he's sick.
Yes, he's sick.
Maybe this four weeks without playing has been a reset
and you're really good at rolling now.
Oh, maybe.
So first one was a 19 plus one
and a second one is a six plus one
or a five plus one, so a six.
So you got to beat a six.
Okay.
Well, that's a five plus.
Is it this?
It's not a saving throw.
It's just a strength.
All right, then 12.
I was going to say I hope there's no plus
but it's Night Hunter.
I forgot.
Yeah.
She yoinks and boinks.
They're very strong.
Ow, oh God.
Why are you threatening people?
Go to pharmacy.
They're chemists.
They don't know what we call them here.
They don't let us in the pharmacy anymore.
For reasons.
He puts his fingers to his nose
and then says for reasons.
For those playing the home game.
I'm uncomfortable.
Give us what you stole.
Give us what we stole.
Well, no, we used that from the pharmacy.
We did that.
We already used all that.
We have empty sacks.
We need to fill it with the medical supplies.
Hand them over.
Well, I'm not going to give you any medical supplies
but I could give you each a hanky
because it is hard just to look at your faces right now.
Oh, Thea has gone into like the side of the road
in the bush and is like picking different
like wild plants.
Okay.
She's rooting the shit out of us here.
What's your goal?
Herbology.
Okay, roll.
Herbalism.
Roll in nature.
You're trying to do some sort of medicinal.
So you can roll medicine or nature.
Oh, our dog smells so bad.
That's okay.
Maybe I can go in the yard
and gather some wild shrubs to medicate him.
Well, nature is only a plus two
but medicine is a plus 10.
So we're going to go medicine.
There we go, yeah.
Okay, 21.
Okay, yeah, absolutely.
What do you find
and how does it help?
Thea finds plantain for,
I'm bullshitting here,
but for a reduction of swelling.
She also finds some milkweed for congestion
and some echinacea for sore throat.
Okay, you whip that up
and it's like a paste, I assume?
Yeah, it's a paste.
What are you doing with that?
Okay, you're going to chew this.
You're going to gum it up real good.
You're going to chew it around.
Chew it around.
It's going to taste real florally.
Okay, you're going to keep it in your mouth
for a little bit.
We'll chew it around
and then you're going to swallow it.
This is great.
No one wants to listen to this, do they?
Mm-hmm, okay.
And drink lots of water.
Okay, but it didn't stop.
Well, no, it takes time.
But look, this plant,
and she like shows the three plants.
These plants, smash them up with some of your spit.
Yeah, you totally ate my spit.
And then every couple hours.
Okay, every couple hours.
Everybody get that?
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Okay.
He takes the plants from you.
So about those medical supplies then?
No, still don't have any of those.
Look, nature is medicine.
These were just in the trees.
Yeah.
I could have got these before.
Yeah.
Isn't nature a miracle?
Haven't you learned something today?
Yeah, you learned that drugs are all around you.
Son of a bitch.
Yeah, it's true.
That's right.
You just got to have the willpower
to get out there and find them.
All right, Steve-o, let's go.
They start loading up their bags,
rather large bags for the size of them
with all the three plants.
And you notice as you're doing it,
like they mix in some poison ivy and stuff
as they're going
because they're not really paying attention.
They just kind of went and followed
and there was some other stuff around.
That one's good for cleaning your rear.
Be sure to use that one there.
This one here?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just like this?
Okay, yeah.
Okay, good.
Get deep in there.
Ah, tingles.
Oh, you guys, they see a lot of stuff.
Maybe they'll know where some of the stuff we need is.
That's true.
Wait, you're boogers.
Would we consider that jelly-oos?
It's gelatinous in a way.
It's oozy for sure.
It's definitely oozy.
I think it...
Jelly-oo, is that not a particular thing?
Ooze from like a jelly?
I don't actually know what it is.
I thought it meant like jelly, like a jam.
You want some?
He's like dangling all over his finger.
Oh, no.
Might as well.
I'd pull out a little vial.
I'd just wipe it in there.
This is not okay.
That is okay.
Okay, there you go.
If anything, we can use this to track you down if you wanted
to make any other kind of trouble for people.
So, thank you for giving me some of yourself.
Congratulations, you've been duped, properly.
Well, that sounds very dangerous.
Okay, well, you've given us leaves
and possibly a bounty on our heads.
We've given you slime from our faces.
All right, well, this has been nice.
We're going to wait for the next crew to come through.
See you guys. Have a great day.
Fair enough.
We carry on down this winding road
and it opens into a large valley.
And you see a town off in the distance,
which you can presume to be the Township of News.
And as you get closer and crest up over one final hill,
you hear off in the distance this loud,
like, sneezing and coughing coming from the town.
And it's getting louder and louder the closer you get.
And you see people walking through,
like, covering their mouths and just, like...
Everybody, same kind of situation
as the goblins that you saw before,
just in a bad state as far as what they look like
and all very cold-like symptoms.
I do not want to go into this town.
Oh.
I'll be fine.
It's, um...
gross?
I think is the word I'm looking for.
All the... like, look at...
Oh, someone coughing
and you can see all the wet coming out of their mouth.
Ugh.
Well, I mean, I have no issues
with any kind of diseases, so, uh...
Sorry.
Sorry, you do not catch cold?
I mean, I don't catch disease.
I don't know if this is a cold or a disease
or where it falls under, but, um...
If anything, the next day,
I can just ask for the blessing
of Orcus, I guess, still.
Like this, with this hand gesture,
cupping, cupping, this is Orcus' blessing?
Yes, yes, you just grab at it wherever you can.
And, uh, you get it.
Oh, gosh!
How long have you been here for?
I forgot I was here.
I was napping, kind of just, you know,
like one of those walking napping states
as old men sometimes have.
You just gotta...
You gotta cup, that's what they taught you.
Oh, no, we don't want to see you do that.
It's too late, I already did.
Yeah, just like that, right, Varnus?
That's how you taught me in the torture chambers.
Grants us news, see, that's what it is.
I got it in.
Grants us news that this is sort of...
You sort of gently reach out and cup.
Reach out and cup.
And draw.
Cup and draw.
Sorry, out of world.
Does Grants us know this Vorunax
or died Vorunax?
We've already...
Yeah, he knows all of them.
He was down in the abyss, right?
Yeah, I know.
He knows all of them.
So, you know, if anything,
some restoration could be divined upon me.
So, if I do catch anything, ha-ha.
And plus, you have those sweet herbs
that you just...
Well, Thea, let us know about.
Yeah, nature's magical, but I don't know
if there's enough herbs in the forest
to deal with all these people.
Look at them all.
Hello, friendly travelers!
Hello!
It's welcome! Come in to the town of news!
Thank you.
It's a beautiful town you've got here.
Lovely.
Especially despite this horrid-looking day.
What is wrong with everybody in this town?
Well, it was kind of sunny today.
I thought it was pretty nice.
Well, everybody, we had a big...
We had a big festival there
just a couple nights ago.
The Great Market Festival.
Well, everybody after that
kind of caught a little sickness.
So, you know, we just...
Every now and again,
every once a night,
we travel up down to the mines.
The priests give us the clearing out
and then we're good for a day
and then it comes back.
So I don't know.
Would you mind
taking me through all of that again
just with maybe a little bit more
sort of explanation
about going into a mine
to see the priests
and then they clear you out?
Yeah, okay. Yeah, sure.
My name's Mayor Carrington.
Nice to meet you all.
I'm sorry. Are you the mayor
or is your name Mayor
or are you the mayor
and your name is Mayor?
I am not the mayor.
I am the blacksmith.
But my name is Mayor.
M-A-E-R-E.
Mayor.
Like Metro Goldwyn.
That's M-A-Y-R.
Y-E-R, yeah.
But M-A-E-R-E.
Mayor Carrington.
Blacksmith.
Like the lunch meat.
Yes, exactly.
You seem like a very helpful individual.
Well, I'm trying to be,
but let me explain again.
So flashback two nights ago.
There's ruckus laughter
and joyful music playing around.
I love Market Festival Days
or whatever we call this again.
It's so markety and festivaly and fun.
Oh, my gosh.
We only have these once every two years.
I can't believe it.
They should have these more often.
The candy apples.
Have you seen the candy apples?
Maybe annually.
I've had four candy apples.
Oh, man.
I can't wait to bob for some apples.
The event was going off just spectacularly.
Everyone was having the most joyous of times.
They brought out the big pinata
for all the children to play with.
I hope I get a turn to whacken.
Did you get a turn to whack at it?
I'm going to hit it so hard.
Oh!
Up on the stage, we had our town comic.
Mine spelled Jerry.
So what's the deal with Kobolds?
They're cowardly and run away more often than not.
Nothing bold about them.
It's funny because it's true.
That's just a regular day occurrence.
That's relatable.
After the night was done,
everyone went home feeling rejuvenated,
feeling like the day was in theirs.
It was a bit of a doldrum kind of week beforehand.
You know, the taxes were due and everybody had,
well, I don't even know what else could be bad
in a town like this.
The leaves were falling because it's fall.
My husband and I had a sexual drive spell
that cleared up right after that festival.
Exactly.
That's how good it was, Margaret.
All the people that came through
kicked all the acorns off the road
and now I don't wind up stepping on them
so often and hurting my feet.
And I found a puppy.
All puppies.
The best puppies.
The best day ever.
All of these things happened at the Great Market Festival
and then the next day,
everyone woke up with a sniffle.
Just like out of the blue.
It's a sniffle that wouldn't stop
no matter how much they blew.
So regarding the sniffle, what did you do?
Well, we didn't know what to do.
Nothing would stop.
The usual plantain and milkweed
and echinacea remedy
that is so well known in these parts
just would not do.
So what we did was, well,
we were introduced by our priest
to this new way of taking care of cold
like symptoms.
It was a clearing
divine vial
that cleared the nostrils
but the best place to do it
was down in the mines of McCuss.
M-P-C-U-S.
McCuss.
So we had to go down to the mines
because that's where the altar to McCuss is
and they would give us the bottle of
nose cleaning or nose clearing
or something like that
which would clear the system
but then it's come back every couple days
so we just have to lather, rinse, repeat
and then we got a day of clearness
and then we have to go back the next day.
Did that about catch you up?
Thank you.
Yes, it did.
Are you, y'all are just all clear
and your nose is in the same spot
just the whole town?
What happens with mucus?
Thank you, Nat Hunter.
That's exactly what I was wondering.
Out of our nose and into the altar of McCuss.
Oh, you're farming mucus.
I mean I guess in a sense
that seems a really weird thing to do.
As long as you are fine with it.
Turn it into your sacrifice
and your snot.
McCuss gives you like boon?
Well, I mean he clears the snot from our nose
which makes us feel much better for a day and a bit.
And how much do you have to pay
to have this service provided?
Oh, nothing.
The priest just takes care of it for us.
Balderdash.
They're getting something out of it.
I don't believe it.
Look, you weary travelers
look like you've been going for such a long time.
Excuse me, let me go get you some water
and see if we can set you up at an inn, okay?
I'll be right back.
I've got my own water, thank you.
I'll be right back.
Does it seem like perhaps
mucus is sacrifice or tribute to God McCuss?
I feel like it's gotta be.
I mean, I know I always think the worst of everybody
because, you know, evil for years and years and years,
but it's just that if you're not paying for a service
then like I think you're kind of more the product.
Yeah, exactly.
Do you know what I mean?
Like they're getting something from you
and you're not giving them something.
Oh God, do you guys think
we're gonna have to fight a giant mucus monster?
I was about to say, you know.
Oh, I mean.
Oh no, I.
Orcus takes the undead or the dead
and then makes undead.
This McCuss might just take mucus and make snot golems.
Giant mucus monster.
I just don't know if I can.
I'm not sure if I have the energy for that today,
you guys.
I mean, you ever seen snot in a snow drift?
It just freezes.
It'd be rather easy to take out.
Get stuck in second place and shatter.
I mean, we're planning ahead for something
that might not happen, but I like it.
This is very new for us.
All right, water fresh from the well.
Here you go.
Sorry.
Sorry that took me so long.
It's hard to carry a bunch of flagons down the street.
It's very kind of you.
Thank you.
Hey, what's over there?
I made sure to hold them out.
Who's that?
Sorry?
Who's that?
Oh, that's.
Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.
And I just pour the water,
like go back over.
I don't want to drink their well water.
I don't want to touch anything.
Well, that's just Enid.
She runs the post office.
Oh, I thought I recognized her,
but it's somebody else.
Yeah, thanks.
Thanks.
Perhaps you could tell us where we can get
some items we are looking for.
Because maybe we do not have to be in town too long.
Oh, OK.
Well, you got places to be?
Yes, to get back with this list of things
that we need to get.
What are you looking for?
Well, spring and sprinkles and cogs and bolts
and raw ore and the jelly ooze.
And do you know any fish people?
Fish people?
Yeah.
Not many come through here.
We do have the stream that runs.
You might have seen it walk coming up there.
The playful little otters that live down there.
Yeah, we did see those otters.
No fish people, per se, that I've seen there.
Some various, you know, salmon,
some minnows.
Yeah, just more fish.
More fish.
As opposed to a fish purse.
A place in the city that would sell?
Oh, no.
Sorry, springs I got.
I'm the blacksmith.
I make springs.
Because that's what blacksmiths do.
Cogs and bolts.
Cogs and bolts, yeah.
I think I've got some raw ore.
If not, you can find some at the mine.
That's usually where I get it too.
But I'm pretty sure I got a little bit at least.
How much did you need?
Well, some I believe is what our directions were.
Sprinkles you might be able to go down to.
Are you looking for like edible sprinkles
or like arts and crafts sprinkles?
See, these are questions that we should have asked.
Oh, I would assume sprinkles would be edible
because the arts and crafts one, that's like glitter.
Yeah, that's more of a glitter.
I also like the tiny candy pieces.
Orcas loves glitter.
Well, Orcas and I have that in common.
It's candy pieces?
Yeah, you know, the tiny pieces of candy.
You could probably go down and visit Valerie at the bakery.
She's probably got some sprinkles
that she could hook you up with.
She's still baking goods and she's afflicted.
Well, she's got business to run.
She wears like this cup that catches.
Oh, gosh.
It's just a drip cup.
Just a drip cup.
Perhaps more of a trough.
Yeah, yeah.
That's a run down like the valley.
This is called your cupid's bow.
Oh, really?
Well, that's something you learn new every day.
Cupid's bow.
Okay.
Hot diggity.
Just like to impart a little bit of wisdom.
Well, Mayor, would you mind if we came with you now
and maybe purchase a few of the items that we need?
Oh, hold please.
We didn't have enough.
Hold on.
We didn't have enough money
to give this guy to do this thing for us.
That's because he wanted 750 gold.
He wanted a lot of money.
I think we had 10 pieces of gold between us.
You had 10 pieces of gold?
I'm talking out of game.
Excuse me, sir, this is a private conversation.
He sent us on a shopping trip.
Here you go, you poor ass motherfuckers.
Go buy all this stuff for me.
We're getting here.
We're like, well, we've walked all this way
and we have very little money on us,
so hopefully we can trade some sexual favors
for you, the only way we're getting
these springs, cogs, and bolts.
Yeah, of course you can buy the things that I have
and then go visit Valerie.
The fish people I'm not too sure on.
What else was on your list?
Ooze?
Jelly ooze.
Well, I mean, Valerie's got cups of it,
but that's not really probably what you're looking for.
I don't know what it is.
You don't know what it is, but you're looking for it.
Yeah.
You don't know what it is.
We were sent to this town and thought
maybe it was a thing.
Maybe you were like the jelly ooze capital.
Jelly ooze from news.
Isn't that a...
Jelly ooze from news.
Well, let's go talk to Valerie
and see if she's got your sprinkles.
Maybe she's got a little...
She's got a beat on some jelly ooze.
Follow me.
While we're there, we may as well get
just jelly, right?
Yes.
Like jelly and donut, right?
Just in case.
Pastry, you squeeze it, it oozes out.
Mmm.
It all sounds delightful.
Guys, I don't know if we want
the ooze from Valerie's bakery.
Why do you know her?
Well, it just sounds like she's collecting boogers
in a cup we're not listening to.
Are you sure?
It is possible.
Oh.
I see.
I mean, if honestly the jackpot
sounds like it's in the mine, really,
if we're going to be collecting mucus.
Yeah.
But perhaps there is like a jam-type substance.
Well, let's go check the bakery
and go from there, shall we?
Sounds cool.
Welcome to the middle
where we're talking to Cicero.
End of song, go.
We have things to do.
We have a special guest, middle guest.
Yeah, middle guest.
Oh, yeah, I'm the middle guest.
So many guests, regular guests,
Kyle Clasett and Cicero is here
to tell us about all the things he's got going on.
What you guys got going on?
Yeah, so one of the really cool things that I got going on
is I'm part of a podcasting network
that is incomparable.
And coming out soon
is a peak TV draft
where we have created a streaming service,
a fictional streaming service
where you take four of your best TV shows
from the last 20 years or of the 21st century
and you get to draft them
into your own streaming service.
We've recorded it, we put it together.
It was hilarious.
I loved it.
It was a lot of fun.
And you can look it up on the incomparable.
Look for the incomparable in Cicero Homes
and you'll find lots of different things
that I've done as well as that.
And come for the peak TV draft
and stay for plenty of other things
at the incomparable,
the incomparable on Twitter
and the incomparable.com.
Awesome.
Can't wait to see it.
I'll get a link from you, too.
We can put it in the show notes there, Cicero.
Thank you so much for being here with us
in this middle.
Oh, man.
We just love having you here.
You were at the live show.
You're in some episodes coming up.
Secret spoilers, all things secret spoilers.
Cicero's here.
Who knows who he's playing?
Who knows what's going to happen?
I don't know.
Mum's the word.
But we can't wait.
And go check out the incomparable
and the draft, which obviously
the shows you picked were Lost,
Seinfeld, Barbie's Dream House,
and...
Murder She Wrote.
Oh, I was going to go Blue's Clues,
which is like a children's murder she wrote.
Only one of those shows came out post-2000.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know how to play the game.
Yes.
Thank you, everybody.
Go back and listen to the episode now
and go check out all the things that are going on
over on the incomparable.
Okay.
Bye, everybody.
Love you.
Bye.
Yeah, just right up here, around the corner.
I think that Mayor should be the mayor.
He is quite the ambassador.
Oh, he's a go-getter.
For the town of News.
I stand at the door
and I just kind of look into the establishment
because I don't know why,
but it feels grosser
being in an enclosed building full of food.
And then I yell,
Why don't you come on over, Valerie?
Because I've had that song stuck in my head
since we've said Valerie.
We used to cover that when we played live.
A lot of fun.
Great song.
It's a great song.
Valerie, Valerie, we've got some customers here.
You look in and it's a pristine bake shop.
There's not a smudge in sight.
Nary a booger to be seen.
Except for Valerie,
who walks around the corner
and clearly has a contraption
strung up beneath her nose.
She's got gloves on
and is holding her hands out
and says, yes, yeah, what?
What's a different voice?
Ooh, haven't had a customer in weeks.
Everybody's been afraid of the boogers.
Come on in.
Yeah, but if you all have the same sickness,
it certainly shouldn't matter.
I thought you'd only been sick
just since the big festival.
Also, great point if you've all been sick, is it?
Obviously, it doesn't matter.
If you're all sick,
people probably still should be eating food
from you at this point.
We're not going to.
Have you had any other visitors
that have come in
and fall prey to this sickness?
Visitors fall prey to the sickness.
That sounds very dangerous.
Not like something Valerie would deal with.
But no, nobody's falling prey to the sickness
No, nobody's falling prey
except for the people who currently live here.
Sounds like some hot goss though.
Do you, Valerie,
if you enjoy hot goss, it sounds.
You know me, me and the girls
down at the nail salon.
I need to get mine done soon.
They're getting a little raggedy.
Well, the girls in my clan
always hung out down by the artery.
Well, it must be regional.
Circles, yes, I suppose so.
Yes, everybody's different.
News.
Night Hunter looks at her nails.
Well, maybe you get your nails done
before you go.
The news nails.
So what would be the goss
from your friends
about where the sickness came from?
Oh, oh, well, it could have come
from the bobbing apple station.
Oh, Valerie, that's weird.
Wesley, Wesley was,
he had a little,
a little tickle in his throat.
We thought maybe he shouldn't come,
but he did.
He did.
And he was the first to bob for apples.
And then you all decide,
OK, Wesley is sick.
Now I will put my head in water.
Once you've had a few too many,
you just go for it, dear.
Just forget about what happened
earlier in the day.
Yeah.
Is that not what?
How long have you been sick?
Since the festival.
Which was how long ago?
Several days.
How many days was it there, mayor?
Well, it was just a couple of nights
and then another couple of nights
and then another couple of nights.
I'm counting the times
the priests have cleared our nose.
That's what I would have done, yeah.
Could have been six or eight.
There was a couple,
there was a couple of foggy days
in there before we found
that the priests could do that.
Just a stretch of like,
just running all over.
And this priest has lived
in your town before.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Yes, yes.
Familiar.
But until now,
you know, you've resided in town
and then took an oath
to McCuss
and has since taken stow
up in the mines
where the altar is, of course,
that we had previously mentioned.
Oh, question.
Is your priest also sick?
Ooh.
Is he also sick?
Was he sick?
Was he sick the last?
No, but he has the bottle
of nose cleaning.
So even if he was,
I assume he would take them
more regularly
so as to show
that they work.
Makes sense, I guess.
And this priest's name?
Priest's name.
The one who is bestowed
upon to McCuss,
the nose-shaped god,
of course,
he is Leroy.
Leroy.
Priest Leroy.
Junkins.
I've got a question.
This bottle,
is it a bottle you drink out of?
Yes, several bottles.
Yes, there are small vials.
You know what bottles are.
Tiny glass bottles.
There are many of them
and we get one.
We drink it.
Flushed.
Next person gets a new one.
Drinks it.
Flushed.
So it is only one, though.
Right?
Like you take one.
Yeah?
Okay.
And here I thought
you were getting a small thing
and pouring into one nostril.
For sure.
I thought it was a neti pot.
100%.
And it was coming out the other
and that's, you know,
kind of a physical clearing of the...
It can be quite helpful.
It's like letting gravity
take control of it.
Take hold of the wheel.
Yeah, just a mild saline
and then it...
Interesting.
Yeah.
Oh, but this is something
you are ingesting it.
You're drinking it.
Oh, yeah.
No, no, no.
It's a bottle,
perhaps called a potion,
some sort of fluid.
Well, I'm glad we asked
because I was picturing
something just totally different.
And you have to flush
into a receptacle,
a specific receptacle, right?
Oh, yeah.
Do you drink it
and then you just hang
your face over something?
Wait, does it come
out of your face?
It comes out of your face
and gets up the altar.
It gets sucked
out of your face?
Up into the
nostril-shaped altar.
Into the nostril-shaped altar.
Right.
Oh, it is a booger farm.
Yeah.
Yes.
How do you feel about that?
We need to visit this priest.
I want to know
what they're up to.
How do I,
how do I feel about it?
Well, I mean,
it clears the sinuses.
Well, yeah,
but they're obviously
giving you something
that's making you
feel like this
so that you have
to come back
every couple of days
to feed the god.
It's a farm.
Why would they be,
why would they,
why would they be
giving us something
to make us not feel well?
Because they are true.
Yes, that doesn't seem
like something
priest Johnkins would do.
I like this priest.
I think we're going
to get along.
You know what?
Maybe I'm way out of line.
Yeah.
I think I've got
the wrong picture.
Do you think maybe
we could meet these people?
This just all seems
so odd.
Yeah.
But before we do,
we need to get
those springs cogs.
Oh, definitely.
Just sprinkles.
You got sprinkles, right?
Oh, yes.
We've got lots of sprinkles.
Valerie, you've got,
oh, all right.
And rainbow sprinkles
just by any chance
because I think
it just sounds fun.
Oh, I was picturing,
yeah,
I was picturing
any jelly ooze?
Jelly ooze.
We have jelly.
Anything?
We have jam.
Well,
can we just get
a little bit of that?
Okay.
Jelly and jam
just in a little jar.
Just in a jar, okay.
Some jelly and jam
in a jar,
if you don't mind.
Just in...
Look, I'm trying to limit
the foley I have to do.
I'm making it work.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
I enjoy it.
It sounded
bright.
Right.
Like it did sound
like a wet sort
of slop sound.
Kind of like when
the jam gets stuck
to the inside
of the jar
and it just kind
of pulls away.
Yeah.
Well, there you go.
Here's your jam
and your sprinkles,
the rainbow.
Uh,
that'll be
just a couple copper.
And I'll toss in
an eclair.
Or five.
How many of you?
There's one,
two, three.
Oh, one is good.
You know,
just the one.
We're all
trying to
watch our figures.
Eat less sugar.
So, yeah.
It makes us
crazy.
Well,
come back another
time then
when you're feeling
a little peckish.
The eclairs
are very well known
for the eclairs
in news.
Thank you, Valerie.
Valerie,
ba-ba-da-ba.
You exit.
Ba-ba-da-ba.
Uh,
Grantzis is
hiding around
a bush
outside.
Why?
Hey,
hey, how
did you get
the goods?
Get what we need?
All right.
Grantzis,
you can't do that
in public.
What?
Hide by the bush?
Yeah, hide,
sure.
Grantzis,
there is no way
that his ex-girlfriend
in there,
even with
crazy
face
bucket
of mucus.
She was very
attractive woman.
Oh, well,
yeah, of course.
Grantzis
only attracts
the
attractive woman.
He does?
Huh?
You're wearing
pajama pants.
And you aren't?
I'm not.
We cut ahead
to
the
Mayor
Blacksmiths.
All right,
yeah, come on in.
Uh,
got your
springs.
Uh,
crinkle,
crinkle.
Got your springs
and some
cogs and bolts,
right?
Let me help.
Boing.
Cogs and bolts.
Uh,
what's left
on the
list?
We've got
the scales,
the jelly.
I mean,
that's it,
jelly ooze,
scales of
fish person
freely given.
We've got,
if we get
some
ore here,
we've got
the spring
and sprinkles
and cogs and bolts.
So,
I mean,
I think we're doing
very well.
Do we,
I mean,
I think,
I mean,
I know what Vorunax
and help
the,
the priest
bring about
the booger god.
Yes.
Wait.
That's not what you're
talking about.
No.
I was going to say,
to help cure the town.
Is that,
you know,
is that on a list?
Well,
I mean,
it's not on the
list,
but I kind of wouldn't mind going to see
the giant
nose.
And like,
how does it suck up
the nose?
I mean,
it sounds like
probably
the grossest
thing
I've ever seen.
It is very
intriguing.
I used to dump
undead
out of like
a fan,
like,
I've seen
some gross things.
Wait,
you got to dump
undead out of,
out of what?
Well,
remember when we,
oh,
of course,
you don't remember.
Okay,
so this one time,
we were having
a big celebration.
So there's no
ore in the back.
Oh.
Fresh out of
but you said
we could just go
go down
in the mines.
Absolutely.
If you see some,
you want to bring
some back,
I pay you for it too.
Oh,
speaking of,
well,
not payment,
but you should
probably have
this at Claire.
I mean,
we got it
for mayor,
right?
I mean,
yeah,
I'd take it at Claire.
Yeah.
Thank you.
And yeah,
we could,
if we get
some extra ore,
so yeah,
all you,
if you're,
if you're heading
to the mines,
that's where you're headed,
right?
All you got to do
is follow the path
up into the,
up into the hills
and then
it meets the mountain
and then
it's just a big
wide cavern.
Excellent.
How much for
the supplies?
Oh,
well,
that's just
probably a silver
that should cover you there.
And you know what?
I'm thinking
I need a clearing too.
If you wait
for this evening,
the bus will probably
be going up,
getting the
the bottle and
nose cleaning
and just
taking care of that.
We can actually
lead you.
Then you don't get
lost.
Oh,
so everybody kind of
goes at the same,
it's not like
as you need it,
people just kind of
wander up
and get the thing.
Everybody's sort of,
it's like,
is there any chanting
or?
We all kind of went
at the same time,
the first time,
so.
Right,
so now you're on a
it sounds inconvenient
for the priest.
Really is.
I mean,
he's got a good thing.
It's only every
couple of days,
because that way
he's got time
to fill the bottles again.
You know,
bless them with
from the,
you know,
the powers of the
God of McCuss.
And
that way,
when we all go
stumbling back,
he can take
care of us.
Well,
if if they happen
to go all
at the same time,
perhaps it would be
beneficial if we
go before that time
of keeping you
from your medication.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
We want to beat the
we don't want to
get in the way
of the nose clearing
rush.
Sure.
OK.
Roger that.
You got it.
But it sounds like
we can probably just
find our own way.
Seems like it's pretty
very good directions.
I think I,
you know,
I think we're good.
Thank you so much.
OK.
Well,
we'll see if we see you
on the way
or on the way back,
coming.
It's really nice
to meet you.
Can't wait until
we get to just,
you know,
share in like
a market festival
together.
It seems like
you're just like
a raucous bunch
who are just like
here to party,
you know?
I do love a festival.
What do you mean
party?
We cut ahead.
You've traveled up
over the hills
down to where
it meets the mountain.
And there is
a large cavernous opening
at the base of this mountain
that the path leads into.
The directions
were perfectly given
and if this is the place,
then you have been
led to an inn
and from inside
you hear
as it's getting to be
a little bit dusk,
there is
like this
bubbling noise.
Oh, I don't like this.
This warmth
that's coming out
of the cave
as you approach it.
Russ, is it,
is there light coming out
or just sound?
It's tough to tell
as you approach
because the daylight
is obscuring,
but as you get closer,
it appears that there is
dim light
mostly from like
glowing
lichen
and like
bioluminescent
type things
on the walls.
No real
torchlight or anything
that you can tell
from your location.
Well, I know
it's just full of snot
but with the glow
and lichen,
it's pretty.
Right?
It's kind of pretty here.
It does have some good ambiance,
you're correct.
Well, after you Varnas.
Yeah.
I know how excited you are.
I can tell.
Thank you.
Thank you for trusting me.
I am very excited.
So I just
proudly march my way
right on in there.
Varnas, you walk your way in
and it,
the cavern
narrows to a path.
Is everybody following Varnas?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I mean,
I don't want to speak for everyone
but certainly
Lipsankey is like
really kind of grossed out
but
like
let's do it.
Okay.
It kind of narrows to
a point
or a path
and you follow it down
and there's like this
there's this slickness
to the walls
as you're walking in
and
you round a corner
and you can kind of see
more torchlight
from
from around this final bend
that you're walking down
and it,
you turn this corner
and it opens up
into this large chamber
that has this
like side
path
and on that path
there is a large
almost
like shop stand set up
like table
and
a little bit of
adornment
and
on it is a bunch of vials
clear vials
with what looks like fluid in them
standing behind them
is this priest figure
he's
probably in his
late 20s
early 30s
very clean cut
and you
round this bend
and see him
and then turn and look
and there is
this
giant
probably
75 foot tall
nose
on the far side
of this chamber
that you're in
and it looks like this
this fluid
this
gloopy fluid
is traveling
up the nostrils
of this
giant
nose
statuesque
figure
on the far side
well
when they said a
giant nose
I mean I pictured something
pretty big
but
this is a really big nose
I mean that is
a
giant
nose
have
have you come
for the nose
cleaning
oh
no no no
we came just to
you know
ask you how the
summoning of the booger god was going for you
summoning of the booger god
there is no summoning here
we are just taking care of
taking care of
the issue that ails news
you're doing really good I love it
it's absolutely marvelous
what you're doing here
I appreciate every bit of it
thank you thank you it's for the good of the people
this is Guy Bullshit
roll insight
17
yeah you get the sense that he's not being
totally upfront
okay
like listen
my onboarding taught me exactly what it looks like
when you were trying to do
your
your very first summoning
you look like you're getting started out
you look young
and
present yourself rather well
and
it's necessary to be able to get people to
just
follow along right
you have to
you have to put on that charm
so
I'll ask again
how's the summoning of the booger god coming along
McCuss wants an update
and he runs
Dumbgeons and Dragons Season 2 Episode 131
starring Amy More as Thea and Night Hunter
Carla Maxted as Lipsynki
Tom Laird as Flint
with Kyle Classid as Vorunax
and Russ More as your Dungeon Master
dialogue editing by Newt Shonolkati
and sound design by Russ More
this episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
and Artlist
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound
Boom Library and Sound Ideas
a huge thank you to our supporting producers
Gabriel Lynch
Jessica Babyok
Kat Waterflame
Jacob Madden
Christian Brown
Craig Zeiss
Aaron Stevens
Daryleth
Perry Matey
Old School Gamer D
L.A. Branton
Nathaniel Teeter
Destiny Garcia
Nicholas Cooper
and Ryan Carr
join us today at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast
where we have new community goals
exclusive podcast and discord channels
and so much more
we hope to see you over there very soon
our next goal is 115 patrons in the community
and we're getting close
you have a great week
we'll talk to you soon
give us a good one Carla
now's your time to shine
that's right
if I start I might not stop
no yeah no no
I do always have to cough
aww
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production